How to measure mental progress
The thing about progress is, the moment you progress, you will soon fail. It’s a rule of progression, if you are now “leveled up” well then that means you go to the next level, a more difficult and challenging level.
I can relate nearly every thing in my life to an analogy of the barbell; if my deadlift PR (personal record) is 300lbs, that means I can only lift that on my best day, and it’s an all out max attempt. I know I will have to work for weeks and months and maybe even the next year + to add another 5-10lbs. That’s a tangible and realistic goal, I know if I am capable of lifting 300lbs then surely I am capable of 310lbs. I can even sit down and write out a detailed program to do every single day to give myself the best possible chance of lifting that extra 10lbs. The material part of life is weighable, measurable. In the simplest terms, if I deadlifted 300lbs this year and 310lbs next year, every one would agree I got stronger, I improved, I “leveled up.”
But what about the intangible parts of life? How do we weigh and measure the progress of our character, spirit, soul? of our emotional stability?
If your someone who struggles with an angry temper, like myself, maybe your progress is simply not yelling back at the person who just cut you off in traffic and gave you the finger, when the “old you” or previous “level” you were on would have laid on the horn and gave an equal or even escalated reaction. Well, that’s progress. That was a 300lbs deadlift successfully lifted. But what happens if someone you know and love says or does some thing hurtful, do you have the same success, or is that the extra 10lbs that you are not yet strong enough to over-come?
I have been working on my temper for the past 10 years and I still fail myself on a daily basis when it comes to controlling it rather than letting outside circumstances control me. But one progression I have made, one level I have passed, I understand and always accept extreme ownership of my actions regardless of the circumstance. It took me nearly 20 years to realize it wasn’t the responsibility of others to ensure the stability of my emotional state. I had to learn to let go, let go of thinking I was somehow justified in my negative actions because of someone else’s. If I ever yelled during a heated discussion it was ok as long as someone else yelled first. I now know that is not only complete bull shit but it is a victims mindset that I do not want for myself.
I believe in life there will always be pain, adversity, something to over-come. If you also believe that, it really only leaves us with two options, to be victims or survivors. In times of uncertainty, it’s my CHOICE to be a puppet of uncontrollable circumstances or to rise above, to be calm amongst chaos, to be empathetic when someone else is being irrational, not for them, but for me.
The only thing worse than a shitty situation is having to live with our shitty response after it’s over. The disappointment that we’re not yet the person we want to be, we’re still at a lower level, we still have much to learn, many more levels to get through. But if I’ve progressed this far, I can continue to do so.
So how do I add 10lbs to my character, my spirit, my soul? How do I design a plan for measurable improvements to my mentality? Well, just as I learn to physically get stronger from those way more physically strong than me, surely I can learn to be wiser, calmer, and more rational, from those whom possess those qualities. Just as I can use tools like a barbell or kettle bell to shape my muscles, I can use tools like meditation, research, and self reflection to shape my character, my spirit. I must use these tools as often as I use the barbell or dumbbells. And just as exercising makes me stronger, not exercising makes me weaker. The same is sure to be true for my character and spirit. Progress cannot be attained with out failure. The notion of progress automatically implies there is some thing to improve upon, a new level, indicating we have already surpassed a previous level. So, as long as we are working to improve, progress is consistently being made.
Health & Happiness
Coach Karli