The Power of Defining a "Bad Day"

Have you ever woken up on the wrong side of the bed and the first thing you thought or even said out loud was “I dare someone to piss me off today!” Unfortunately, I personally can’t even count how many times I’ve had this thought, or worse, actually said it out loud to others. It’s understandable in a sense, I mean, of course we have all woken up in a bad mood or experienced an annoying day and just want to be left alone from bother, we have all been there at some point. But, is it really that bad? Before I experienced a truly bad day, every “not good day” I had was largely from events and people that were completely out of my control. For example, someone cutting me off in traffic, getting into an arbitrary argument with a friend, parent, sibling, boss, co-worker, or significant other, having a rude customer at work, etc. I now cringe at the thought of my daily happiness being placed on others behavior and extrinsic events. Hell, Vegas has better odds at winning than that, but that was my reality for longer than I’d like to admit. Going out into the world every day with the hope that “bad” things wouldn’t happen to me, and if they did, then I was merely a victim of circumstance and that person or that thing caused my bad mood. Now, not only did something or someone else cause me to be angry or sad or annoyed, but now I have a clear justification for my sour attitude. Surely my reaction is no fault of my own, my personal feelings have been hijacked by the mood terrorists and now I am their prisoner. How unfortunate that I went through over half of my life with zero dominion over my own mind, thoughts, and even on occasion, my actions. As a teenager, and even into my early 20’s, I can’t tell you how many dents or holes were in my bedroom and apartment walls from angry tantrums, or how many times I’d scream at the top of my lungs in my car. When I was by myself, of course.

Now, looking back, it’s perfectly understandable why I had zero dominion over my mind or actions. Simply put, no one ever taught me how to sort through my feelings and thoughts and develop a calm and confident inner voice. And I can guarantee you, if a calm and confident inner voice isn’t developing and guarding your mind, then a chaotic and insecure voice is. It’s no ones fault this didn’t happen, perhaps no one taught them either. Don’t get me wrong, I had people in my life who cared for me, tried to guide me in the right direction, but maybe the message got lost in translation, or maybe at that time, I simply wasn’t ready to take in what they were trying to give me. I am not casting blame or deflecting responsibility. I take full ownership and responsibility for myself. I also believe it is of vital importance that children are taught to meditate, learn the inner workings of their mind and thoughts, the power of their own breath, and a method for developing a strong inner voice. How different would the world be if this was a critical part of our education system and continued as a habit throughout our adult lives?

I once heard someone say, “complaining is a lugerie of the more fortunate.” and I couldn’t agree more. It’s been my personal experience that those who have the most, still want the most, and complain the most. While I don’t believe it’s beneficial to grow up in an unsafe or unstable environment; I think occasional disappointment, set backs, loses, failures, bad grades, break ups, fights, or adversity of any kind, combined with a caring mentor to help guide you through those tough times, can result in molding an emotionally stable, mentally resilient, empathetic, positive, strong and capable human being. Simply put, if your frame of reference for pain is a stubbed toe, and mine is a broken leg, we each have a different threshold and tolerance, a different perspective on the term “pain.” Vice versa, if your “worst day” is failing a class and immediately after your boyfriend or girlfriend cheats on you, and my “worst day” is watching my parent wither away on their deathbed, we each have a different perspectives on the term “bad day.”  That’s not to belittle the former example, that’s a pretty shitty day, no doubt. But if that day happened after the death of one of your loved ones, it would still suck, but it wouldn’t be that bad, because you now have a different scale for which you weigh and measure tough situations.

I’ll never forget my worst day. It was before my Grandmother passed away, before they moved her to hospice, she was still in the hospital and having a tougher day than usual. Before she passed away, she spent nearly every day in constant pain, but she seemed to always find a way to smile and joke her way through it, but for whatever completely understandable reason, not this day. It was physically obvious how much pain she was in and it was always my job to help the nurses change her bed sheets. Movement of any kind was physically agonizing to her and she only trusted me to lift and support her weight while the nurses changed her sheets. Even to this day, my Grandmother passing away isn’t my worst memory, watching her try to fight back the physical expression of pain she was in because she didn’t want me to see it, that’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life. On that day, when I lifted her, I heard a gasp from the nurse, and when I looked down there was blood all over the sheets, I nearly threw up and passed out simultaneously but I somehow managed to hold it together enough to smile and reassure her everything was going to be ok. A staff of doctors and more nurses rushed in and kicked me out and I was left to sit and wait with my family. As if matters couldn’t get much worse, I now had a concerned doctor coming to tell me that a family member appears to be highly intoxicated and is belligerently yelling at nurses and doctors to give my Grandmother more pain medicine and if they don’t calm down they’ll be forced to have the police remove them from the hospital. So, there I was, stuck in a waiting room, watching my family crumble around me, knowing my hero and the backbone of our family is slowly dying in a room down the hall. That day… that was a bad day.

I don’t wish a day like that on anyone, ever. But, I do wish you all perspective. The perspective to know that whatever is going on, could always be worse, and for someone, somewhere, it is worse. In fact, somewhere, someone is going through something far worse than my worst day just described to you. Although it’s an incredibly painful lesson to learn, that experience made me a much stronger, resilient, and happier person. When you have defined a true “bad day” you’d be surprised at how few you ever have again. Arguments, break ups, financial setbacks, traffic, catching the flu, essentially anything other than my loved ones passing away, is simply just a temporary annoyance.

Don’t think you have to go through something horrific to develop this perspective, I’m not suggesting that. Simply reading this article, more just like it, listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, reading books, hearing stories of people who have gone through far worse circumstances than you, and found a way to take a positive meaning from it, seek to always be around those people and consume their content. I’m not special, I was a weak minded, struggling, depressed kid, who found a way to be strong when strong was the only option I had. I only found that from seeing others be strong when it seemed their only option was to suffer.

Take some time and define a true bad day for you. Whether it’s already happened or if it hasn’t, write down what your worst day would look like. Feel the emotions of the past or the heartbreak of the possible future and hopefully, like me, you’ll start to feel ridiculous for stressing out in traffic earlier.

Health is Happiness

• Karli