The Most Important Lessons in Life
In 2012, my Grandmother and hero, the most important person in my life, and by far the most influential, became so ill, she couldn’t even sit up in bed without assistance. Now, before I continue, let me give you a quick back story of my Grandmother. She lost her daughter, my aunt, to Leukemia when my aunt was in her early 20’s. My Grandmother flew her all over the world to get treatments and tried everything under the sun to cure her cancer. Unfortunately, my aunt died a slow and painful death that my Grandmother endured with her until she passed. I’m not a parent, but I imagine every parent’s worst nightmare is to lose their child. Still to this day, I don’t know how my Grandmother pulled herself out of that pain to not only continue living her life but to thrive and be the most powerful force of positivity I have ever known.
My Grandmother was a gorgeous, salt of the earth southern bell, grew up dirt poor in Georgia, then married a billionaire, rubbed elbows with the rich and famous, she even decorated penthouse condos for Mafia Bosses, which is my personal favorite story of hers. She was also brave enough to divorce that billionaire when their life goals no longer lined up. Imagine your values being so fucking sound that you have no hesitation leaving a partner who treats you well, loves you, and owns Islands and private jets. My Grandmother is still the only person I know with that type of conviction and confidence. I know countless people who unfortunately stay in unhappy and sometimes even abusive relationships for money and a sense of financial security. My Grandmother, however, had a kind, attractive, billionaire who was smitten with her, but she simply wasn’t in love with him, and that alone was the deal breaker for her. No amount of money or gifts in the world, literally, could persuade my Grandmother to compromise on her happiness.
Now, newly single, completely broke, and with two young kids, my Grandmother became a dance instructor. She always told me that was one of the best times in her life. She didn’t make much money, in fact, with two kids she barely scraped by, but she loved and enjoyed her job. One day, in walks my Grampy, a tall dark and handsome hippie with long hair, a full grizzly man beard, no shoes, and cut off jean shorts. If you ask him, he fell in love with my Grandmother at first sight, and literally spent every last dime he had to pay for private dance lessons with her for the next month where he gradually won her over with his persistence and charm. That’s his story, if you ask my Grandmother, she would tell you he stepped on her feet for a month and she said yes to the date if he agreed to stop coming to dance class. Either way, it worked. My Grampy may not have had a dime to his name, but he was the most passionate, kind, and fun person i’ve ever known and until the day she died, she always called him her one true love.
While my Grampy was passionate and hardworking, his many business ventures left my Grandmother having to declare bankruptcy. Completely broke, again, and now with grandchildren to help take care of, my Grandmother turned another negative situation into an opportunity. With a relentless work ethic, an undying belief in herself, and constant daily self improvement, my Grandmother went on to own a million dollar business she built from the ground up by herself.
My Grandmother was mentally and physically the strongest human being I have still ever met. I can’t fully put into words the psychological impact it still to this day has on me from seeing the strongest person I knew, my hero, physically rendered helpless in a hospital bed. Suddenly, my only priority was to train and get as strong as possible in order to help her as much as I could. Keep in mind, my biggest “dilemma” before this was where I was partying that night, but who am I kidding, I always had that figured out. My life went from leaving the club at 4am to waking up at 4am so I can be at the gym by 5am to get a workout in before going to the hospital to see my Grandmother. No matter how much pain she was in, and she was in constant agony, she would always somehow find jokes to crack and ways to smile and laugh. Always.
Although watching my Grandmother suffer was single handedly the hardest and most painful thing I have ever gone through, it taught me what I view to be the most important lessons you can ever learn in life. The first being, strength is never an option. There will always be adversity in life, to all different degrees, we can’t stop it nor control it. But the stronger we are both mentally and physically will determine both how useful we are in any given situation and what we choose to take from the pain of each experience. I hope it never happens, but it’s a possibility that life will leave you physically responsible for someone you love. Imagine how hard you would train if your physical strength or lack thereof was directly responsible for how much physical pain that person would feel. Think about that the next time you want to skip working out.
The second lesson is the reality of dying, which we all will at some point, and when someone is on their deathbed, the conversation only starts one of two ways. Either, with a big smile, “Hey, did I ever tell you about that one time ___?” Or, with a sad sigh, “Man, I really wish I would have blank ___.” The ultimate goal of everyone’s life should be to never be the latter. Because once you’re at the end, it’s too late. Whatever it is you “wanted to do” or “wish you would have done” it’s too late. And that may single handedly be the most terrifying thing imaginable. The thought that maybe you could have been happier in your life, and made everyone else in your life happier as a byproduct. Instead, you didn’t start that business, you didn’t tell that girl or guy how you felt, you didn’t end that bad relationship sooner, you didn’t quit that job you hated, and why not? We all have limited time on this earth, all of us. What sense does it make to spend it doing anything other than what lights you on fire with people who love and support you? Set some non negotiable unbuyable standards for your life, and spend the rest of your time unwilling to negotiate.
Health is Happiness
Coach Karli